I can’t look at you, I can’t let my eyes see what has destroyed me. I don’t want to see what I am walking away from, what has hurt me so much. Betrayed me. I thought for the longest time that you could be the one stable thing in my life. but guess what? you aren’t nothing is, all I have is myself, I’m the only thing in this world that I can depend on. I hate this more than anything, I wanna hold you and be with you, be completely yours and you be all mine. but I don’t think it’s going to end that way is it? we’re too different, you’ve changed, you put her before us, before everything… fuck my feelings, thoughts, fuck my whole world just so you can feel fine at the end of the night when you go to sleep, but most of all fuck her, I hate her for this, I hate you for this. I never want to talk to her again. I’m not putting myself in this situation again. I set myself up for hurt and pain when I gave you so much freedom, I thought I could trust you, that you would never like someone else I would be the only one. I thought you didn’t even like talking to other girls. Lies. You had to of known it would come to this, or you wouldn’t of hidden it. I think you’ve definitely been the best thing that’s ever happened to be, you’ve taught me so much. you’ve been awesome before all this, you’ve helped me so much. I also think you’ve been the worst thing that has ever happened to me for making me feel this way, for not always being there for me when I’ve need you the most and for not really trying to understand me. But most of all I hate you for talking to her and liking her. I’ve lost you, you’re not the same I’m holding on, in hopes of you coming back because even though you’re here in person, you’re not the you I feel in love with. so what ever it is bothering you lose it and then we’ll figure out us. but right now I think you need to be alone, with out me so you can see what you’ve lost or what you can gain. figure out what’s important to you…

I just want things to be back to how they once were. back when I felt like I was the only girl in your world, back when I could look in to your eyes and see just how much you wanted me. back when we wanted the same things, when you didn’t want her, much less any one but me. Now I understand you don’t care for her in the same way you do for me, but you still like her and I bet when we started dating you didn’t care for me as much as you do now. 4 years and 7 months is a long time, it has to start somewhere. Over 4 years and still no ring or anything to symbolize us? how could you let one person come between us, do you realize with every text message I begin to not care as much, let me rephrase that, because I’ll always love you and care about you, but if it continues I don’t know if I’ll always be “in love with you” I’m a strong person, I’ve been through a lot more than you could ever imagine, I can deal with things that you could never cope w/ and I never want you to have to, but I could never deal with ya’ll talking or being good friends, not after this, ya’ll  both want more than friendship.  It doesn’t really matter now I guess, or am I just saying that to push it away, put the unfinished puzzle back in the closent? Why did you do tis to us? The one couple that everyone envies, the 2 people who were so happy together, so in love, so perfect for each other? what went wrong? why are you fucking everything up for one stupid person who is not even going to be there for you forever? Do you know that I would of, I would have done everything for you, I would have been everything to you. and you could of been my everything… but now for the first time in our relationship I’m doubtful I’m scared and even though you lay beside me sleeping, I still feel alone, lonely in this dark room.  we were so perfect, we never fought, why did I have to meet her that day in the gym? why did I bring you there? why couldn’t you stop when you say how bad I was hurting? and how has it come to this?

uncertainty

when this break ends ( that I don’t want to be on) , if it does what’s going to happen? I still wont be ok with you talking to her, wanting to see her, texting her. so what’s going to happen, are you going to continue friendship w/ her or a relationship w/ me. I guess the ball is in your hands. Are you going to throw it the her or me?

No matter what you decide, I want you to know that even though you 2 have hurt me, there will always be a place in my heart for you, I’ll always be there for you, even if we aren’t together, you’re still my best friend and I couldn’t live w/ out you. But if we work things out and continue to be together, I will be the only girl in you life other than family.

you’ve gone against everything you’ve ever said because you fucking love her and I can’t change the way you feel.