I hate you

I hate you for doing this to me, I talk to myself, I change my mind, I dont really eat nor sleep, I can’t think right, I can’t function right. I wanna puke so bad when I see you I wish I could really puke b/c I would puke on you. I feel like chocolate milk that just keeps being shook up, I just wanna scream at you, “Stop shaking me you butt holes!” but you wont listen b/c your selfish and you have done selfish things. why do I fill my mind with these hateful thoughts, I don’t want to despise you but I can not fully love you like before. I would of given you everything but you took what wasn’t yours. You stole it, you’re a robber. you also stole my heart and i kinnda want it back, but part of me wants you to have it. please just stop shaking me I don’t feel well. I want to re-write my story, start fresh. it’s too late the first few chapters have already been published, once it’s published, it’s permanent.  My life is changed forever, please don’t make me cold. What doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger, right? or does it only make you un-trusting and cold- hearted, numb. I wish I was dumb so I wouldn’t feel all this pain. I wish I had a giant ice cube that could just numb me inside out and make me happy again. was I ever happy? Of course I was, I was in love, I smiled I laughed I joked I could sleep soundly, I could hold you. It’s all different now and I don’t know how to make it better. why? that’s a stupid question that will never be answered honestly. People are all so capable of lieing, how do you know when they tell the truth? what if you’ve lost  all trust in them, do you believe what they say? She’s right, sometimes it would be better if some people just died, like her. she believes it maybe she should be a part  of it. why did I get stuck in this life I have, why have I had all the hardships imaginable, why can’t anyone help me. I thought I never be here again, this place I thought I left behind. It’s dark and gloomy, depressing, I didn’t ever want to be back here

but you put me here, you must have a motive, I don’t think you’ll be the one to save me this time. Maybe I have to save myself this time. oh but the walls sure are slippery I’ve tried to climb the walls but my hands keep sliding down getting scrapped on rocks. I’m bleeding I’m covered in this blood that only I can see unless you look hard enough, but you don’t understand me, you get frustrated and don’t know what to do w/ me. you don’t know how I work nor how to comfort me… you don’t even know me, this side of me anyways… I just wanna go home, but not this home. maybe one day you’ll join me but it wont be today.

I can’t stand to be alone when I say I want to be

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